comedy

15 Worst Things You Could Say To Your Bartender

15 Worst Things You Could Say To Your Bartender

2. “I don’t like the taste of alcohol. I don’t want anything fruity. I don’t like beer. I’m allergic to wine. What do you suggest?”

Water. They sell it by the bottle at the gas station. Go outside, to the left, and keep walking.

3. “Do you have an iPhone 5 charger? Do you have an outlet close to me? Will you plug it in? Can I check it? Can I check it again? Can I check my phone? Did my phone go off? What’s my percentage?”

STOP with the phone babysitting. Bring your own charger if it’s that important. Nobody behind the bar is asking to borrow your shit. Also, meet a hookup old school. In person. Stop it with the dating apps if you’re so worried about wasting your phone’s battery.

4. “Do you know how to make a Monkey Fucker on Acid on the Beach shot?” (Or any other pseudo Cancun, Fort Lauderdale, Vegas, Scottsdale, San Diego Spring Break shot.)

Sure. I can make that. That will be 10 dollars.
Recipe: Crap well spirit, blue schnapps, peach schnapps, pineapple, cranberry.
Every time. Every shot.

5. “Can I get a shot of Jameson?”

Oooh, I like you.

“… Chilled.”

No, I don’t.

6. The following interaction at Last Call:

(Slurring) “Can I get a shot?”
Sure, what would you like? 
(Slurring) “Just make me something!” (Slaps ass of random girl/guy walking by.)

Have you ever heard of a bar mat shot?

7. “Will you ask that single lady over there to sit with me? Or, “Will you send that girl a drink on me?”

Dude, I don’t work at Match.com. Is this your first time in public? Do you even know what year it is? If you want to give her a drink, pick it up and take it over there yourself.

8. “Should I go to Bartending School?”

Not if you want a bartending job.

9. “Can I get a hot tea?”

Of course, would you like any pastries with that?

10. “Oh, Happy Hour? I love it. But first, can I try that wine? And that one? And this one? Oh, and that one also.”

You know you are going to order the $5.00 wine special. Stop pretending.

11. “Can we transfer this check to our table?”

Yes, we love transferring our tips to the servers.

12. (Slurring) “This drink is so weak.”

Wait until you try your next one.

13. “Is this a typical Monday night for you guys? It’s so slow.”

Dude, you are drinking on a Monday night. That’s the point: to avoid the weekend warriors.

14. “I know you guys are closed. You don’t mind that we are still sitting here, do you?”

No, no, it’s no problem. We love standing around for $3.00 dollars an hour in an empty bar, with the lights on and music off, waiting to go home, just so you can make out over melting ice. At this point, the question is begged, why do people just not go home together?

15. “You are seriously the best bartender ever. Service was amazing. Everything was so perfect. Thank you so much. I can’t get over what a great job you did.”

Beware. Beware. The verbal tip. We know your type. Over-complimenting and 10%. We know what you’re up to. And it don’t pay the rent. TC mark

Bartop Garnish Array Video Tour

This is a VIDEO TOUR and PHOTO GALLERY of a high end bar’s GARNISH and FRESH FRUIT SETUP for a busy Friday night’s business. A true gourmet ‘craft’ bartender set up, offering herbs and spices, berries & fruits and lots of glass rimmer choices. Please keep in mind that the collective impression of all of these products together, in one place, at one time, displayed for all to see… leaves a lingering impression on your guest. It shows your guest that you care. This set up tells a story… a story that has yet to be written, but is a bounty of flavorful opportunity. I harvested these fresh products from our ‘cocktail garden‘ devoted just to our bar. Lovingly tended to by Geri Miller of www.HomeGrownEdibleLandscapes.com.

Click any thumbnail to view the GALLERY SLIDESHOW:

Sorry for the low quality of the video and the audio! I have another video shoot planned and will redo this one soon!

I will mention here that what is not spoken about or showed is fresh ‘Lavender’. This flowering plant offers any cocktail a nuance that is like no other. The light purple flower is the perfect garnish and the aromomatic leaves are the perfect accent for many a drink. Give it a try!

I’ve had comments on how ‘modern mixologists’ don’t cut their fruit ahead of time. Well, I agree with this principle, in theory. It is always best to have the absolute freshest possible product. However… at the establishment where this is filmed, the whole restaurant and the bar relied on me to get the drinks out in a timely fashion. There is no bar back, no bartender partner, no manager stepping in to help. Just one bartender, that needs to be set up and ready for anything. The purpose of this video is to show any bartender, that there is an array of products to ‘display’, in your own bar, that you probably already have in house. Go look in the walk in and see what you can find. Show it off, and your guests will feel like this bar really cares about fresh fruits, berries, herbs and spices in their bar program. Cheers! From the Drink Chef…

Bar Garnish Set Up for the Craft Bartender

The Bartop Garnish Set Up

Bar Trick – Sun To A Star

 Watch The ‘Sun To A Star’ here, brought to you by The Drink Chef!


This is a video of The Drink Chef, Blake Donaldson demonstrating one of his famous, crowd pleasing bar tricks. Fun, down home entertainment, that you can do at home!

Bar Trick – Sun To A Star – The Drink Chef

The Envelope Bar Trick

Dear John

Dear John

The Envelope Bar Trick – This is a video of Blake, The Drink Chef, showing a bar trick involving an envelope and a story about it. It’s just a silly little bar trick, but the restaurant business IS the entertainment business. This trick is good  entertainment. Just pick your audience carefully and have at it! Have fun! Cheers!

Australian Tea Bag Rocket Ship Bar Trick

This is a picture of Blake doing the Australian Tea Bag Rocket Ship Bar Trick

Blake Down Undah!

Australian Tea Bag Rocket Ship Bar Trick – This is a great bar trick that I learned a long time ago, from a true Aussie, from down undah. The example here is out of context of a happening bar scene, but if you stop to imagine a full bar and drunk people. It’s dark, it’s busy and it’s FUN! Be sure to practice this before you attempt it in public, and test out the tea bags you intend to use… they don’t all work the same. Also… if you have one of your co-workers kill the lights right when you light the tea bag… the effect is amplified greatly. Your surface must be perfectly dry, and there must be ‘no wind’. All these things will kill this trick. But if you pull it off once, you will thank me. Cheers Mate!